Living by Grace, Not Perfection.

    First and foremost, I am the daughter of the One True King, Jesus Christ. I would be nothing and no one without Him and His love for me. I am the wife of an incredible man named Michael and the mama of three incredible little ladies: Derryn, Riley, and Emersyn. When the girls go to sleep and I get some time to myself, I don the “mommy blogger” cap and spill my guts about Jesus, motherhood, and everything in between. I went to college for journalism, so I guess it’s fitting that when I’m not raising strong women for the Kingdom, I’m writing about it. I liken myself to the mom in Moms’ Night Out: three kids, mommy blogger, overwhelmed and overjoyed all at the same time. All I need now is my minivan. 

    My biggest struggle right now, is trying to do it all. I think that I must be Super Mom, and when I come to the realization that I cannot do it all on my own, it makes me feel like a colossal failure. But once I come back to center and realize that Jesus never intended for us to do this life alone, I take comfort in a loving husband who gets the girls to sleep so I can have time for myself. I have a mother and grandmother who LOVE babysitting, and that gives me time to have “me time” as well. But it’s a day to day struggle to remind myself that I am not meant to do it all. I am meant to trust in Jesus and let Him steer the car. I’ve got permanent shotgun and I get to control the music. Sounds fair to me!

Before I let go and let God, my life was the bumpiest road on earth. I had premarital sex, abused alcohol, and ended up pregnant at 18. That lead to an abortion, even more alcohol abuse, and even worse relationships. But the biggest bump was definitely losing my boyfriend in a motorcycle accident and then finding out that I wasn’t the only girlfriend he had. Having to grieve alongside strange women that knew my boyfriend as intimately as I did only made me wish I would have been on the bike with him. That was a pain I never, ever thought I would endure. But, just like the Rascal Flatts song, God blessed the broken road that led me straight to my prince charming. He took my mess and made it His masterpiece.

I used to be so ashamed of the road behind me, but I wouldn’t be the God-fearing woman I am today without it.

 Being a mama has humbled me and shaped me in more ways than one. Before I was a mom, I thought that raising kids was all cuddles and love and crafts. I didn’t expect sleep deprivation, days without showers and colicky infants. I was totally right on with the cuddles and love: my life is filled with snuggles and sweet girls loving on me. But I’m way too exhausted to do crafts. I had this crazy fear that I couldn’t handle more than one baby, because I am an only child. Then Riley came along, and like a good pair of pants, God stretched me and grew my heart to overflow with love for multiple babies. And He is stretching me again, with our third girl due in May! It’s not always sunshine and rainbows, that’s for sure. I lose my temper more times than I care to mention. But, I’ve been learning to look at the glass as half-full instead of half-empty. Instead of complaining about the never-ending laundry pile and constant dishwashing cycles, I look at it as a blessing that I have a full house of lovely people who wear clothes and eat food. We are so blessed.
Although If I’m being completely honest, I haven’t had the moment that I’ve felt like I was enough. I still feel like I’m not enough for my family. Some days I still feel like I’m not good enough for Jesus, but I know that my feelings have no bearing on Christ’s love for me. His love never wanes, His mercies never end. I’m sure I will always struggle with some sort of self-doubt and self-image issues, after all, I’m only human. But if I keep my eyes on Him and not get caught up in the ways of the world, I’m sure I will experience what being enough really means. God has made me, fearfully and wonderfully and He thinks I’m to die for!

    My biggest hope is to watch my girls grow up and love the Lord with all their hearts. My biggest dream is to one day become a minister/speaker that leads people to Jesus. Every conference I have ever attended, I feel the Holy Spirit whisper into my soul, “That will be you one day.” My promise to myself is to live in grace, not perfection. I can’t be perfect, but I can be graceful. I’ve learned enough in my almost thirty years around the sun to know that life will never be perfect, and we will never be perfect as humans. But our Savior is PERFECT. His ways are higher than our ways, and we are made whole in our weakness simply by loving and trusting in Jesus.
It’s the easiest, yet most difficult, thing we do every day: relinquish “control” and let Jesus lead us down the road He has set for us. Living in grace allows me to play with my children, instead of worrying constantly about how I’m measuring up to the other moms in the universe. Living in grace reminds me that the war has been WON, even though the battles and struggles endure. I don’t have to have it all figured out, I just need to trust in Jesus. If I lay my head on my pillow at night and have that peace, I know I will be okay.

    I hope that my beautiful mess of a story helps you realize your worth is found in Jesus. No matter what you have gone through, or what you will go through, Jesus is consistent. And motherhood is a journey:  A journey of epic proportions that looks completely different from one mama to the next. Each of us is on our own unique path with God, and none of our stories look the same. I hope that you, sweet mama, have the same peace in your heart that I have in mine. I hope you feel how much Jesus loves you and adores you. I hope you know how PRECIOUS you are to your husbands and to your babies. I pray that you walk with Jesus all your days and are reminded of that truth a million times throughout your lifetime.

Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways, acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight. – Proverbs 3:5-6

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened by a yoke of slavery. – Galatians 5:1

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. – John 3:16